NBC News tonight reported striking news. Astronomers have found a planet just outside our solar system that they call a “Goldilocks Planet – not too cold, not too hot, possibly just right to sustain water and perhaps life.” They are excited to find there that there may be not just life, but “intelligent life” there – like us! Brian Williams, who I normally love and admire, actually spoke these words that hurt me to the bone, ” It’s just nice to know that if we screw this place up badly enough, there is a place we can all go.”

Ow. It’s very painful.

Should we write first? Something like:

Dear Goldilocks planet,
We are so excited to find that there is intelligent life in the universe like us! Hello! We are citizens of Planet Earth. We look forward to meeting you. Soon. Like, can we move in? You’ll love us, we are smart and charming. Wait until you see all of the great things we will bring when we come. Art, science, religion, movies, architecture, medicine, comic books, stories. The problem is, though, we couldn’t get along or care about each other. When some of us needed to make money, we had to pour toxins into the water and the air to get rid of our trash. We found out that plants, animals and people died and suffered terribly from this. It was such a shame, but we couldn’t think how to fix it. When our neighbors didn’t agree with how we wanted Earth to be managed, the only thing we could think to do was get our children to kill their children. It has been hard on all of us. Money and “success” became important to us. In order to create it we had to abuse poor people, ecosystems, and livestock. We are figuring out that none of what we cared about matters anyway, but now our top soil is gone, the rivers, oceans and air are ruined, and we are all blaming everyone else for the problems.

Can we come live on your planet? We are so excited to meet you.
Love,
Earthians.