I am in shock. One of  my dearest friends, and one of the dearest people I have ever known, a man just slightly older than I am who I had a long telephone conversation with just two days ago, suddenly died today. He was healthy, happy, fit, looking forward to the future, had just presented a book proposal to his publisher, one of the most happily married people I have ever been witness to, with a world of options still ahead for him that he couldn’t wait to explore – and he died suddenly.

Where is he? Where is Coco? What is death? How are those of us left behind meant to conceive of it? I have experienced death before, my father, an early boyfriend, and it all seemed beyond my grasp. Suddenly I need to grasp it. What? How are we meant to deal with this? I cannot even begin to imagine what his wife is feeling right now. What will the days and months ahead present? This is inconceivable. I don’t get it.