What would Buddha’s desk look like? Would it look like mine? Oh my god, would Buddha know how to think about all of these things at once? This scattered, fractured, cacophony of tasks is all one thing. Illusion suggests that it is just too many and too much. Breathe, Buddha, breathe.

“Over Nothingness the universe bends,” says Rilke. “Ah, the ball we dared to throw fills the hands differently on its return: it brings back the reality of its journey.”

Each of these scattered notes and papers represent a ball I have thrown that has come back. Fill my hands differently now, please. Bring back the reality of the journey. I want this to be one real thing.